At What Cost
by aliceann
Summary: Neal is seriously injured when a routine case with Diana goes really bad. Diana struggles to reconcile her feelings. Neal whump and some language.
1. Chapter 1

**At What Cost**

"Jones, in my office."

"Yeah Peter, what's up?"

"Where are we with today's operation?"

"Everything's in place. Caffrey's going to meet the suspects posing as a fence. Once they produce the items, we move in and make the arrest. Classic Peter Burke takedown, just like you taught us. It's a good case to get Diana back into the field."

"How's she doing? I've been so swamped with this," he nods to a mountain of paperwork on his desk. "Haven't had a chance to really talk with her since the baby."

"She's good. You can see for yourself later, this shouldn't take long. I'm sure she'll have some Caffrey shenanigans to report, just like old times," Jones grinned.

"Yeah, like old times," Peter sighed. "Listen Clinton, I need you to keep an eye on Neal."

"Always do."

"This is different." Peter rakes his hand through his hair, moves past Jones and shuts the door. He hesitates for a moment, "I have information that places Neal at the scene of Agent Siegel's murder. He's involved somehow." Peter places an unmarked file on the desk in front of Jones. "This stays strictly between you and me, understood."

"You think Neal was responsible for Siegel?"

"No…well, I mean….I don't know. He's hiding something."

"Does anyone else have this information?"

"Not yet. The benefits of being ASAC. It gets worse. Neal may have found a way to crack the tracking device. I can't prove it yet, but he's probably involved with the missing two million. The last two cases he's conveniently found a way to be let off his anklet."

"Peter, if this is true. If Caffrey's involved in the murder of an FBI agent. You can't protect him on this one. You know what has to be done."

"I do. If he's involved in David's death…. Neal's done. I don't have a choice, he's back in…possibly for life. Until we have definitive proof, I want you to keep a tight rein on him. By no means is he to get off that anklet. We treat him like any criminal suspect. No excuses!"

"Got it boss."

**Cwcwc**

The case went exactly like clockwork. The suspects were apprehended once they produced the scarab. Diana was grateful. She would never admit it, but she was bone tired from being up with Theo all night. She also would never admit it to Caffrey, but she was glad to be partnered with him. He would make quick work of the authentication and he would cover for her with no questions asked, if needed.

She opened the door from the corridor and stepped gingerly into the back laboratory for a visual check. All was as it should be. She moved aside and let Neal enter; radioed back to Jones the site was secured and Neal was about to verify the artifacts.

In the very small world of antiquity forgeries, Neal was at the top of his class. She watched as he worked. He was as good as it got.

"So, what's the verdict?" she asked.

"It's beautiful," he was weighing the small object in his hand. "Definitely the real deal. A genuine Egyptian heart scarab from the Late Dynastic Period. It probably dates back to the reign of Thutmose III from the tombs at Abydos. "

He turned around and smiled at her. His face was so open, eyes glittering with the remnants of temptation and danger. He pulled back, so she could get in closer for a better look.

"It is beautiful," she looked up at him and laughed.

"What?"

"You look like a kid in a candy store."

"Glad I can provide you some amusement," he placed the scarab in her hand. "See here, this icon represents Khepri. Almost all beetle scarabs from this period are associated with him. Khepri was…"

"The god Khepri pushed the sun across the sky," Diana smiled. "The ancient Egyptians believed that each day the sun disappeared, always to rise again and be reborn the following day. The scarabs became symbols for rebirth, the ability to be reborn. Don't look so shocked Caffrey."

"I'm not shocked. I'm impressed agent Berrigan. You know your Egyptian mythology."

"There are many perks to being an ambassador's kid. We spent two years at the Cairo consulate when dad was assigned there," she grinned. "I don't know what's more amusing, you looking like a kid in a candy store or holding the god of second chances in your hand."

They both laughed out loud. Her feelings for the con man evolved a little at a time. Gradually, she had to admit, he was less a risk to the agency, herself and the hard won trust he'd built with Peter. Change was always something theoretical in her book. She never placed much stock into it….until Theo came along. Now everything had changed in the most surprising and unexpected way. She realized she was still in Caffrey's personal space and him scrutinizing her much like that scarab. She pulled away and her hand swiped a flask on the counter.

"Careful!" Neal's voice was in her ear. He quickly reached past her and moved the flask to the back counter. "That's hydrofluoric acid, pretty nasty stuff."

"Like in _Breaking Bad_, hydrofluoric acid?"

"Well it's not going to dissolve a body, the tub and floor," Neal secured the top of the flask. "So you're a Walt fan. You never cease to amaze me."

"It was the best ending on TV. That's how you write a show. Anyway, what do our suspects need with that?"

"It's often used to dissolve silicate and etch glass, a frequent tool in the forgery trade. I say let's get out of here, our work is done. Do you want to call Jones? I don't know, but he seemed a little off today….kind of antsy."

"He's not the only one. Peter barely made eye contact with you in the briefing. What's going on Caffrey?"

"Nothing. What do you mean?"

"Something's up. Tell me I'm wrong."

"It's complicated."

"When is it not with you two? Does Peter know?"

He didn't want to start on a bad truths telling jag, because he wasn't sure he could stop. He was so tired and he wanted everything to just go away; but he was in too far now. He needed comfort and forgiveness but didn't have the strength to go after them. Not after the ruin he'd caused. Most of the time he felt like he was drowning.

"Peter suspects, but I can't….I can't bring him into this. I've already cost him so much with Elizabeth and now my father."

"Listen Caffrey, this isn't you and Peter's first rodeo. Things always get worse when you squeeze each other out. I'm just saying. You can't fix everything on your own."

"That's rich coming from you. How many times did I have Clara call, before you agreed to meet with her?"

"Five, give or take." They both laughed at that. They were equally disabled when it came to relying on other's for help.

"She's been absolutely wonderful with Theo. I don't think I could have come back to work already, if she wasn't caring for him. Thank you."

"Thank June. Clara took care of her granddaughter Samantha when she was a baby. June says she's family."

Theo was a gift and every day she was grateful. She loved him completely. It was so natural, like a breath breathed out. Sometimes she just stood by his crib and watched him sleep, his eyes fluttering as he dreamed.

"You know these scarabs were placed over the hearts of the deceased to be weighed against the feather of truth."

"I do. The scarabs were often inscribed with a spell from the Book of the Dead, which entreated the heart not to stand as a witness against the deceased in the afterlife," Neal said softly.

"I can't imagine my life without Theo, Neal. I can't believe I wasted so much time."

"I'm glad you decided to have him. I always knew you would be a good mother. I…."

"Shh… did you here that?" she whispered.

"Yeah. I thought they cleared this place." Diana pulled her gun and motioned for Neal to be still.

"FBI! Come out!"

A man emerged from the shadows, hands behind his back.

"Hands where I can see them!"

Neal watched with admiration. Having a baby hadn't dimmed his friend's fierceness as she moved on the suspect. However his admiration turned to horror as he watched the man's hand emerge with the flask of hydrofluoric acid and hurl it straight at Diana with a triumphant smile.

"Diana!" He screamed as the flask crashed toward her head. Racing forward he grabbed a rubber apron from the nearby wall, enveloped them and pushed into the hall.

"Caffrey, what are you doing!"

She hears it before she sees it, the flask of acid exploding against the wall. She is staring past Neal now, at the wall where she was standing only moments before. The substance is eating through drywall and concrete like cake. The acrid smell coupled with fear makes her gag. She was quiet in his arms.

"You alright?" he could feel her trembling from the realization of what just happened.

"Do you want to sit down?"

"Do I look like I want to sit down!" she tried to push by him. "Caffrey, he's getting away."

"Let someone else catch him," his voice was measured and gentle as he maintained his grip on her.

"What…what just happened? Why are we okay…..I mean the wall, it's destroyed?"

"Yeah, the acid can't penetrate through rubber." He moved them away from the fallen apron, taking Diana's shoulders and positioning her in front of him.

"What are you doing?"

"Checking to see if any of it got on you."

"I'm fine."

"Ow."

"What?" she asked.

"I think some of it may have gotten on my sock. Ow, ow!" Neal drew in a deep breath. "I don't know…..my ankle feels like a million bees are biting into it."

"Okay, sit down. Let me take a look." She got his shoe off and toed off his sock.

"Hey, those are silk."

"Shut up, Caffrey. Stop squirming and let me get a better look." She didn't like what she was seeing, the anklet was smoking.

**Wcwcwcw**

"Blake, I need you to go the lab and see what's holding up Agent Berrigan and Caffrey."

"Sure, Agent Jones."

"Report back if anything seems out of the ordinary."

"What do you mean, sir?"

"Just keep your eyes open."

When Blake arrived at the lab Neal was sitting on the ground, propped up against the wall with his legs outstretched in front of him.

"What happened?"

"Hydrofluoric acid got onto Neal's anklet."

Neal is sweating profusely, pain etched into his face. "We need something that can neutralize it...a base solution," he nods toward the shelf of solutions in the lab.

"Okay, let me see if there's something here we can use. Blake is moving through the shelves, "I had a biochemistry minor in college."

Neal is trying, but failing miserably to control his breathing. His hair is damp with sweat.

"You okay, Neal?" a clearly worried Diana leaned in.

"It hurts."

"I think I found something," Blake comes over with a bottle. Hydrofluoric acid isn't like other acids, in order to neutralize it you need a base with calcium…"

"Just do it!" Neal gasps out.

Blake pours the solution. It sputters and hisses. Neal squeezes Diana's hand and cries out as the pain increased exponentially.

"This should have worked, it's not neutralizing."

"What does that mean?" Diana looks from Blake to Neal, "Talk to me."

Blake looked up at Neal, struggling against the panic twisting his insides.

"Blake's saying it's a catalytic process. The materials in the anklet are reacting with the acid and we can't neutralize it." Exhaling, Neal says grimly, it's going to consume the anklet and anything connected to it."

"No, no! We have to get it off. Where's Jones? He has the key."

"He's up front," Blake tells her.

"Okay, stay here with Neal. I'll get the key."

"Don't go," Neal reached out and took her arm as if it were his only lifeline.

"Hey, look at me, she stared into his eyes. You're going to be fine. Anyway, you know you can't get rid of me that easily, I'll be right back."

"Agent Berrigan, what do you want me to do?" Blake turned to her.

"Take care of him."

**Wcwcwcw**

"Diana, what's going on? Where's Caffrey?"

"I need the key to his anklet. I'll explain later."

"I'm sorry, but I'm going to need you to explain now. Peter suspects Neal has been slipping his anklet, tampering with it. I can't authorize your request."

"Damn it Jones, a chemical got on his anklet and it's burning a hole in his ankle. I need that key."

"Even if I wanted to give it to you, I don't have it."

"What do you mean you don't have it?"

"I don't have it. Peter and I decided it was best for me not to carry it. Caffrey's a thief and a world class pick pocket. Face it Di, he can't be trusted, he's a criminal. Peter believes he has something to do with Agent Siegel's murder."

"I don't give a rat's ass what you and Peter believe. Neal Caffrey just saved my life back there. He's saved your life and you're not so upstanding friend Jimmy's life if you've forgotten. So you get on the phone with Peter, the Marshals or whoever and get that goddamned key."

"Diana, I'm sorry but…." Before he could finish Blake came running up, eyes red rimmed and shaking.

"What are you doing here? I told you to stay with Neal."

"He's passed out. It's bad, really bad. We have to get that anklet off now," his voice cracking.

It was too late.

Neal screamed at the top of his lungs.

**Author's Notes:**

This was meant as a one shot, but yesterday while trying to post the site went down, taking a chunk of my story with it. I should have the additional part up later today. As always, your reviews are appreciated. Thanks for your time.


	2. Chapter 2

**At What Cost**

**Chapter 2**

Neal's scream echoed through the cavernous warehouse. It filled the corridors, bounced back from the ceiling, it was everywhere. She felt it in the pit of her stomach as she rushed down the hallway. He was writhing on the floor in agonizing pain when she reached him. He grabbed for the anklet.

"Neal, stop!" She pulled his hands away and the brief contact with the smoldering device seared her fingers.

"Don't let him touch it," she shouted to Blake. She gathered Neal to her. He was struggling in her arms, kicking out wildly but she was unflinching.

"Get it off, get it off. Please….help me."

"Neal, listen to me. I know it hurts, but you have to hold still so we can get a look at it. Blake, hold his leg down."

Neal could barely make out Diana's face, but her voice calmed him somehow. "How bad?" he choked out. It was his last coherent thought before an explosion of pain rocketed through his system and he went under again. Lying limp in her arms, the room went silent save for the insistent hissing sound of blood meeting burning metal.

Blake's face paled as he looked at the mess that was Neal's ankle. A black pool of blood formed underneath his leg. The sickening sight of flesh surrendering to the molten device made him want to retch.

Jones was standing nearby… horrified. Diana placed Neal on his side and walked over to him.

"Diana...I didn't know."

She slapped him hard across the face. "What happened to you, Clinton?" she felt nauseous.

"Di..." he reached out to her.

"Don't. Don't you dare."

"I'm sorry," he looked down. What can I do?"

"Whatever it takes to get that thing off him."

**Wcwcwc**

Blinking, he tried to bring reality into view. Then he blinked again. He struggled to sit up. God, he was a mess. Then it hit again, white hot pain. He tried to breathe through it, but it was futile and pathetic as the blazing heat ripped through his body and exploded out his throat, past his lips like the cries of the damned.

"Diana! Where are you?" his face was utter pain, eyes desperate as he searched about for her.

"Hey, I'm right here," she had him.

His front brain trusted Diana would make it stop, but his back brain knew he was in a train wreck. "I can't…I can't do this. I did everything wrong. I'm sorry…so sorry."

"Neal, help will be here soon." His eyes were open but unfocused. He was saying something, but she couldn't hear it even as she put her ear to his mouth. She looked directly into his eyes.

"Anytime now, Neal. Anytime. Stay with me."

"Agent Berrigan, excuse me… but I saw a ratchet saw back there. The acid is a calcium scavenger, once it works its way through soft tissue and bone, the greater the chance of it getting into his bloodstream. I'm thinking maybe we can cut through the anklet. It's more brittle now, structurally weaker. But…"

"What? Spit it out Blake."

"I'm going to have to get under the anklet and there's no way to do that without causing more damage."

Neal's body is shaking badly now. Delirious from the pain, he's in and out of consciousness. In a moment of lucidity, he reached out a hand to Diana, frowning at the obvious distress in her face.

"Not your fault," his voice was raw and barely audible. She leaned in "the heart scarab, stand…. stand as my witness." Whatever energy he had was spent, nothing was left over. His effort to hold his eyes open was failing.

"You're not going anywhere Caffrey. You hear me."

She looked over to Blake, "Do it! Whatever it takes, get it off."

**wcwcwc**

At the hospital she is sitting, waiting on news. Neal went up to surgery hours ago. She can't recall everything, they were talking skin grafts, bone grafts…amputation. Her mind checked out at amputation. Clara agreed to stay with Theo as long as she needed. She couldn't stop thinking about her baby boy. If Neal hadn't saved her, he'd be all alone tonight.

Someone pressed a cup of coffee into her hands. Holding the shaking cup proved even more difficult with her bandages. After what seemed an eternity, Blake managed to cut through the anklet freeing Neal from his torment. She would never tease the young probie again. Her memory is hazy for what happened after. The EMT's, Jones and the Marshals, it was all a blur. Someone was talking to her as they prepared Neal for transport.

"We need to dress your hands."

"What?"

"Ma'am. Your hands are burned, we need to dress them."

She wiped at her face, still wet from her tears. She hated being a spectacle, even though no one was watching. The doctor felt hopeful they could save his leg, but there was always a small chance it might have to come off. The damage was extensive, worse case involved bone grafting. Bones were supposed to be strong, but right now hers felt brittle and tired. She started to cry again, she couldn't help herself, it just poured out. She needed a drink. She wanted to hold her baby.

In this short time, Theo became everything to her. From the moment she saw him, she became another person. She changed, people can change. Christie thought she couldn't, but she wanted to tell her so desperately that it wasn't true. Theo was what she had been running to all this time, even when she didn't know she was on the run.

"Diana?" he looked down at his friend. She seemed so small in the empty waiting room.

"Peter."

"Are you okay?"

"No. I'm not." She was trying, but failing, at keeping a grip on her run away emotions.

"Clinton told me what happened," he heard the bite in her voice. "How's Neal?"

"He's in surgery, but you don't have to worry. He can't slip his ankle. You might want to get another though, because this one's burned to a crisp," she took out what was left of the tracking device from her pocket.

"That's not fair, Di. You don't understand. Things are really complicated with Neal right now."

"When haven't they been, Peter? Make me understand, she asked searching his eyes. When did you start authorizing field operations with Neal and pull the keys to his anklet?"

"I had no idea. How could anyone have known this would happen?"

"The Peter Burke that made me join the White Collar Division would have. You prepare for every contingency, it's what makes you the best at what you do."

"Di, Neal's tied up in Siegel's murder."

"You honestly think Neal murdered someone or set them up to be murdered?"

"No. no. I would never think that."

"Have you gone to Neal with your suspicions?"

Peter is silent. He closed his eyes as the question hung between them.

"I thought so. After all we've been through with Neal, doesn't he deserve the benefit of the doubt…if not a conversation? I can tell you this, if he is involved it's for a damned good reason. If it were me or Jones, tell me you wouldn't be having a conversation."

"That's different, you're not..."

"What Peter, criminals? That criminal saved my life, kept my son from being orphaned. He's saved your life. He deserves the benefit of the doubt, he's earned it. How many times are you going to have to be proven wrong about him?"

"If Neal is involved in this. If…. I can't protect him Diana."

"You've protected him plenty in the past, just like you protected me and I've protected you. I surveiled a fellow agent, broke into OPC offices and stole evidence," tears threatened. She swiped at her face, the words choking in her throat. Peter touched her arm.

"We not only bent the rules, hell…we smashed them to pieces with Fowler and that miserable music box. Should we go to jail, cause we sure as shit broke the law?"

"Too much is at stake now. You think I want this? Any of this, Neal hurt… lying in a hospital bed. God! If I send him back to prison now, he'll never survive it. It's a death sentence and you know it."

"Then don't send him back. You know Neal better than anyone, probably better than himself. You know in your heart, he's incapable of what you suspect."

"What do you want me to do?

"Be the man I came back from D.C. for. You never give up on the people on your watch. Caffrey's always needed someone to pull him back from the brink. Maybe it's not fair that it's fallen to you, but you took the job. You could have walked away anytime, but you didn't and neither did he. Find a way."

"I'm tired Peter, really tired. I need to hold my son. Neal's not running Peter, he may never run again. Stop chasing him."

"Let him stay or let him go."

The end.

_Thanks for your time._


End file.
